FIC: Evilness vs. the Doctor

[promethia_tenk]

Fic for the spoiler_song holiday fic exchange, which got posted today \o/  And I just found out was for alt_universe_me   \o/
My abject apologies to anyone who's had to listen to me moan for the last month about having to wait for this to be posted.  I was sick of me too.


Title: Evilness vs. the Doctor
Characters: River/Eleven, the Master (a new incarnation)
Rating: PG
Summary: The forces of evilness have a little chat with the Doctor about where his storyline is going (humor/meta).
Prompt: Pretty much anything with River and Eleven, although I would like to see them encounter Torchwood, the Master, a new planet, or Stephen Fry. But, I'm not that picky, so really, anything will do. Any (genres)except fluff, humor is preferable, and I don't mind if the fic is silly, in fact I encourage silliness.
AN1: I know the prompter gave me a pretty long leash with this one, but this just might be outside the realm of what anybody could have expected to get, for which I apologize.  It's weird, ok?  Work with me here.  The "meta" format is not my own; I've stolen it from a series of fics in eleventy_kink , of which this one is probably the most impressive example (warning: smut).  The important thing to know about the meta space is that the characters are aware they are characters and are free to comment about things like their own motivations, the authors, their opinions about the stories they are in, etc., etc.
AN2: Very special thanks to elisi , who absolutely spoiled me with Master and Doctor/Master recs to help me prepare for writing this and who bore the brunt of my whining with saint-like patience.  She should in no way, however, be blamed for any opinions contained herein, which are entirely my own.



The TARDIS materializes in a vast, white space with no discernible features.  After a moment the Doctor pokes his head out the doors to have a look around.  He seems confused as he steps out and surveys the emptiness, followed by River.

DOCTOR: Where . . . ?  I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but where are we?

RIVER: We . . . are in a meta!  Oh, I do love these.

DOCTOR: (taking some readings on his screwdriver) Meta what?  Metadrogenes III?  Metaphero Korbeseus?  The Star Plains of the Metatraxis system?  It doesn’t look like any Meta I’ve ever been to.

RIVER: It’s not a planet, Doctor.  It’s meta.  A meta.  Think of it as being . . . backstage on your own life.  (The Doctor gives her a slightly queasy look.)  It’s a chance to step outside it all . . . take stock . . . look at where your story lines are going.  If we’re lucky, maybe we’ll run into an author or two.  I’ve got some choice words about my characterization of late . . . .

She trails off and the Doctor follows after her, trying not to appear too panicked.

DOCTOR: Should we even be here, though?  It feels all . . . wrong.  (He shudders.)  I mean, normally I’m all for exploring the unknown, but this is just . . . .  (River stops to watch him, a ‘this is gonna be good’ look on her face.)  Boring!  It’s boring!  There’s nothing here!  We should go . . . .  (suddenly suspicious)  You seem awfully calm about this.  (He leans into her face, squinting at her acutely.)  How do you know about this place, anyway?

RIVER: Honey, I’m a walking, talking extra-textual element in your own life.  I practically live here.  I’ve got one foot here all the time!  Oh, don’t look so distressed--you’ll get used to it.  Just keep breathing and try to maintain a sense of humor.

The Doctor straightens himself up and attempts to look dignified, still watching her suspiciously from the corner of his eye. 

Suddenly words pop up out of the ground to float in the air in front of them:

Pretty much anything with River and Eleven, although I would like to see them encounter Torchwood, the Master, a new planet, or Stephen Fry. But, I'm not that picky, so really, anything will do. Any (genres)except fluff, humor is preferable, and I don't mind if the fic is silly, in fact I encourage silliness.

The Doctor pulls back in surprise and scans the words with his screwdriver.  River folds her arms and reads quietly to herself.

DOCTOR: Is that . . . ?

RIVER: A prompt, yes.  Somebody wants fic.  Pretty damn open-ended, though.  I guess we’ll just have to see what shows up and run with it.  Whose brain are we in anyway?  (She grabs the Doctor’s screwdriver from him to take a reading of her own.)  If we’ve landed in meta, the author’s probably scraping for ideas.  (pulling a face at the readout:)  Blimey . . . .

The Doctor snatches the sonic back and squints at it, confused.

DOCTOR: Where are you getting this from?

RIVER: (ignoring his question) What is ‘fluff’ anyway?

DOCTOR: (relived to finally be able to contribute) I believe anything excessively sweet and romantic without real dramatic weight.

RIVER: I thought that was ‘shmoop’?

DOCTOR: One would think so, but technically shmoop requires a caramel coating.

RIVER: Huh.  Learn something new . . . .  So no fluff, then.  Are we allowed to hold hands?

DOCTOR: Better not risk it . . . . (He gets distracted.)

A strange figure has appeared suddenly on the “horizon,” and as he walks forward, he grows in size far more rapidly than one would expect so that within seconds he is standing before them.  He is tall, slightly portly, slightly academic-looking, and with a bulbous, crooked nose.

DOCTOR: (to River) Is that . . . ?

RIVER: It must be.  I mean the prompt said . . . .

(at the same time:)
DOCTOR: Master?   RIVER: Stephen Fry!

(They glance in confusion at each other, then back to the stranger.)

STRANGER: I say!  Hello.  Yes, that’s . . . that’s me.  (He waves a finger between the two, acknowledging both of their greetings.)  It’s nice to be back.  I’ve regenerated, you see.  Well, yes, you can see . . .  (He smooths down his lapels, admiringly.) 

DOCTOR: How can you be back?!?!?  I thought you were gone forever . . . again.

STRANGER: You saw the prompt--that seems like reason enough for crackfic.

DOCTOR: Oh, right.  Quite.  (turning to River) You recognize him?  What’s going on?

RIVER: It’s Stephen Fry!  You . . . you really don’t know him?  You hang around his home turf enough: 20th, 21st century earth . . . ?  Humph.  He’s quite famous.  Comedian.  Man of letters.  (extending her hand)  River Song--big fan.  (The stranger shakes her hand and nods politely.)

DOCTOR: Why should you know him?  I thought you were from . . . you know . . . SPACE!  And THE FUTURE!  (He makes expansive gestures with his arms.)

RIVER: It’s a long story.  But you . . . (turning to the stranger) you said ‘regenerated’!  Are you . . . ?

DOCTOR: (jumping in before the stranger can respond) Another Time Lord!  We’ve got . . . .  That is . . . .  It’s . . . sort of hard to explain, actually.

STRANGER: (amused) Evil ex-boyfriend.

The Doctor looks ready to protest, then thinks better of it.  River makes an “oh” face and then nods thoughtfully as though this explains quite a bit indeed.

RIVER: I think he may have mentioned you.  Frequently.  And you go by 'The Master'?

STRANGER: That is my name, yes.  Although I must insist that you call me Fry!Master.  I’ve looked it up, in the fan communities, and it seems that’s the done thing.  I figure there must be an endorsement deal in it for me somewhere down the line.  Maybe something with a fish and chips chain . . . .

DOCTOR: (confused and suspicious) Fry!Master, right . . . .  So you’ve been hiding out . . . as a comedian?  Any particular reason why?  Do you have an evil plan to laugh everybody to death?

FRY!MASTER: Thought I’d go in for a bit of a retirement, actually, on earth.  After that last dust-up, what with the Time Lords and the . . .  yes, anyway, it seemed like a good moment to slow down for a bit, reassess my priorities, pursue some creative projects I’ve been putting off.  You’re looking well, by the way.

DOCTOR: (stifles a slightly panicked laugh) You’re the greatest evil mastermind the universe has ever known, probably.  You expect me to believe you’re just taking it easy on earth because you . . . needed a break?  I’m sorry, I’m not buying it.

FRY!MASTER: (sighs and looks at the Doctor like he’s a particularly dim and frustrating child) Do you know how much work it is, Doctor?  Living up to your standards of evil?  It doesn’t come naturally.  People don’t really operate that way.  I mean, I like a challenge as much as the next genius, and I had fun with it, I did.  I did my best to make it convincing: the drumbeats, the maniacal laughter, the self-interest, and most importantly, the vaguely plausible nod to doing something praiseworthy and heroic but in an unnecessarily brutal way--I know how much you like that.  But the thing is, Doctor, no matter how carefully I crafted the whole thing, sooner or later sustaining the illusion would require me to just be evil for the sake of evil.  And there’s something exceedingly sloppy about that, don’t you think?

RIVER: (who has been attentively absorbed in this whole exchange and nodding along thoughtfully) Very inelegant.  And yet you did it anyway.  You poor thing--that must be so wearing on you.

FRY!MASTER: Oohhh . . . thank you, my dear, it did get tiresome.  But in the end I was willing to do it, for him.  I do so like to see him happy.

RIVER: Are you listening to this, sweetie?  The sacrifices people make for you!

The Doctor looks at her like she’s grown a second head.

DOCTOR: Why are you . . . agreeing with him?!?!?  (He flails his hands and forces his way between River and the Master, crowding into River’s space.)  Get away from him!  You’ll get . . .

RIVER: (amused) Evil cooties?  I am capable of making independent, rational decisions, Doctor--I’ll talk to who I like.  (The Doctor doesn’t back down, so she goes on.)  And if I’m contaminated by association, it’s nothing you haven’t already associated in that baffling head of yours.  (She pokes his forehead for emphasis.)

DOCTOR: (eyes crossing slightly as he follows her finger)  I have done no such thing!

RIVER: Mmm hmmm.  (She leans around the Doctor to speak to the Master instead.)  Were you watching during that encounter with the Angels?  Did you see his face when he found out I’d been in prison?

FRY!MASTER: Oh, he lit up like a Christmas tree!  (He pretends to be choked with fond emotion.)  That takes me back.  Try subjugating a whole world sometime, he’ll never leave you alone again.  Someone has quite the fetish.

DOCTOR: (skulks away in a humph) Evil does not make me happy.

FRY!MASTER: But you must concede, Doctor, it does get your attention.  Far more than just being competent and resourceful and not bitching about your mood swings.  Oh, it’s not entirely your fault, we all like to have our worldviews validated by others, but the thing is, you’re so very skilled at projecting yours onto other people that . . . I don’t know quite how to say this, but . . .  you inspire me, Doctor.

DOCTOR: NO!  Just . . . NO!  You are not blaming me for making you evil!

FRY!MASTER: (offended) Certainly not.  I take full responsibility and credit for all my decisions then and now.  But what was it that young fellow said?  The beak-y, stammer-y one who’s been following you around?

DOCTOR: Rory?

FRY!MASTER: Yes, him!  Intelligent lad.  He said ‘you make people want to impress you,’ Doctor, which is entirely true, and I admire you for that, I do.  But sometimes, honestly, there is just no impressing your through rational means.

DOCTOR: *humph*

FRY!MASTER: But I’ve had enough, finally.  The time has come to start living for me, and what with that new writer you have driving everything, it’s not like I’m needed in narrative any more.

RIVER: (seeing his point)  Oh, you’re right!  Now that’s very interesting . . .

DOCTOR: What?!?  What is?

RIVER: Our dear Mr. Moffat has no interest in evil.

FRY!MASTER: Bless him.

RIVER: Though you should hear the reviewers griping about it . . . .

DOCTOR: Now I refuse to believe that.  How could someone have no interest in evil? 

RIVER: The greatest collection of your enemies ever assembled on screen, Doctor, and why were they there?  (She starts to laugh.)  To save the universe from you!  (more laughing)  Oh, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I am.  But you have to love that irony.  (suddenly serious)  I did warn you to run away.

FRY!MASTER: How does it feel, Doctor, to be--what was it?  ‘The most feared thing in all the cosmos’?

DOCTOR: I’ve been trying not to think about it, thanks.

FRY!MASTER: Don’t worry; I’ll be sure to remember for you.  And in the meantime, here I am, quite content, and I’ve been able to do some writing of my own, and I’ve been getting exercise every day, and eight hours of sleep a night!  (to River)  You know, I feel so much better?

DOCTOR: (only half convinced) So, you’ve honestly reformed then?  Well, then, I’m very pleased.  Very pleased indeed.  (warming to the idea)  I knew you’d have to come around eventually!  You should come traveling with me!  We’ll see some of the univer---

FRY!MASTER: (exasperated)  HOLY MOTHER OF ALL . . . .  NO!  NO, Doctor!  None of that!  I see that gloating look in your eye!  This is NOT about you, and I refuse to let you use it to fuel your own sense of sanctimonious . . . self-righteous . . . .  (to River) I’m so angry I can’t string words together.

River pats his arm sympathetically.

FRY!MASTER: (composing himself)  I told you, Doctor, I take responsibility for all my decisions.  This.  Is.  Mine.

DOCTOR: (taken aback) I . . . .

FRY!MASTER: (quietly) Look to your own house.

DOCTOR: Well, that’s . . . good, I guess.

FRY!MASTER: (raises an eyebrow and gazes at him for a long beat, then:)  Now you’re just being insulting.  (to River, humor restored) Don’t make the same mistakes I did, my dear.  As soon as you cave to their narrative conventions, you’re never leaving with your dignity intact.

RIVER: I’ll certainly do my best.

DOCTOR: Narrative conventions!!!  She killed someone!  A good man!  What do you expect me to think about that?!

FRY!MASTER: Oh, do use your imagination.

RIVER: (conspiratorially, in a mock whisper) He thinks I kill him!

FRY!MASTER: HA!  Hahahahahahahahahahahahhahaha!  Haha!  Ha.  (clutching his stomach)  Oh, thank you.  I needed that.  Oh, that is too rich.

DOCTOR: (insulted)  What?  It’s a great idea!  (to River)  You’ve been looking so lovely and menacing, if I may say so, all season, with that blaster of yours.  Think of how dramatic it would be: you shooting me down, in cold blood!  Gunshot right to the chest!  But, you know, I would regenerate and all that, and then I could forgive you and---

RIVER: (cutting him off) Lead me to abandon my evil ways through the power of your niceness?

DOCTOR: (narrows his eyes at her, but does not disagree)

RIVER: (to the Master)  He doesn’t listen, does he?  (to the Doctor)  No, darling, I’m not here to fuel your martyr/hero complex--that’s the last thing you need.  Bleah.  I feel sordid just thinking about it.  And . . . a little used.  (to the sky) Can we get some tea around here?  I need a pick-me-up.

A full tea table appears just behind them, and they go to gather around it.

FRY!MASTER: (picking up the tea pot)  You know, if worse comes to worst, you can always come stay with me here.  It seems very accommodating, and those sandwiches look excellent.

RIVER: Well, let’s hope it won’t come to that, shall we?

FRY!MASTER: Would you like some tea, Doctor?

DOCTOR: I---

FRY!MASTER: (cutting him off) Better not.  I suspect it might be evil tea.  My dear? (hands the cup to River)

DOCTOR: (watches, slightly helpless) What does evil taste like?

RIVER: (sips, considers) Earl Grey.  (The Doctor looks longingly at her cup.)  Oh, don’t be so sad, honey.  Here, have a crumpet--I’m sure they’re safe.  (turning back to the Master)  Now, you must tell me all about this paradox machine you built once.  I’m utterly fascinated, and he won’t tell me a thing about how it worked.

FRY!MASTER: You’re too kind by half.  Yes, I was extremely proud of that one . . . .

DOCTOR: Can we go home, now?


----------------

Footnote: As originally planned, this was a much longer (!) fic that went into more depth on the subject and included the following line from Eleven, protesting my satirical methods.  Sadly, it never really seemed to fit into the shortened version, but in the interest of a little fairness, I'll include it here:

DOCTOR: I'd just like to say, as you're all going, that I dislike being used as a whipping boy for your resentment over hundreds of years of narrative convention!

And I think I shall let that speak for itself ;-)

Comments

[alt_universe_me.livejournal.com]

I love this fic soooooo much! :D :D :D I left you a much longer comment over at river_holiday, but I just wanted to let you know in case you didn't see it right away :)

[promethia_tenk]

Thank you again <3

[elisi]

OH MY GOD YOU MADE STEPHEN FRY THE MASTER I MIGHT ONLY EVER BE ABLE TO SPEAK IN CAPSLOCKS FOREVER MORE!!!!!!!!

*FLAILS*

*takes deep breath*

OK, let me try to be coherent... Firstly, then it was my absolute pleasure to furnish you with Master-y goodness, and secondly then your whining was minuscule! (Remember, I have three children. You were NOTHING comparatively. *g*)

RIVER: Honey, I’m a walking, talking extra-textual element in your own life. I practically live here. I’ve got one foot here all the time! Oh, don’t look so distressed--you’ll get used to it. Just keep breathing and try to maintain a sense of humor.
I'm sure I won't need to tell you how much I ADORE this?

RIVER: Huh. Learn something new . . . . So no fluff, then. Are we allowed to hold hands?
DOCTOR: Better not risk it . . . .
♥ ♥ ♥

STRANGER: (amused) Evil ex-boyfriend.
*dies* Also, this is the best fic 'environment' EVER!

STRANGER: That is my name, yes. Although I must insist that you call me Fry!Master. I’ve looked it up, in the fan communities, and it seems that’s the done thing. I figure there must be an endorsement deal in it for me somewhere down the line. Maybe something with a fish and chips chain . . . .
It was at this point that I began literally shaking with laughter. I've not stopped yet.

(Can I mention, btw, how absolutely incredibly spot-on your Fry!voice is? I could hear every line crystal clear in my head.)

FRY!MASTER: (sighs and looks at the Doctor like he’s a particularly dim and frustrating child) Do you know how much work it is, Doctor? Living up to your standards of evil? It doesn’t come naturally.
This! Oh good lord you didn't half take to all the stuff I threw your way - the whole balance thing, and the Master wanting off his end of the seesaw...

FRY!MASTER: Oohhh . . . thank you, my dear, it did get tiresome. But in the end I was willing to do it, for him. I do so like to see him happy.
RIVER: Are you listening to this, sweetie? The sacrifices people make for you!
The Doctor looks at her like she’s grown a second head.
*giggles helplessly* Oh God, I feel like a child in a candy store. No wonder you've been itching to share...

RIVER: (amused) Evil cooties? I am capable of making independent, rational decisions, Doctor--I’ll talk to who I like.
You go River!

FRY!MASTER: Oh, he lit up like a Christmas tree! (He pretends to be choked with fond emotion.) That takes me back. Try subjugating a whole world sometime, he’ll never leave you alone again. Someone has quite the fetish.
DOCTOR: (skulks away in a humph) Evil does not make me happy.
FRY!MASTER: But you must concede, Doctor, it does get your attention. Far more than just being competent and resourceful and not bitching about your mood swings. Oh, it’s not entirely your fault, we all like to have our worldviews validated by others, but the thing is, you’re so very skilled at projecting yours onto other people that . . . I don’t know quite how to say this, but . . . you inspire me, Doctor.
ALL OF THIS OMG! *flails some more* I want to say something clever but it's all there!!!

DOCTOR: NO! Just . . . NO! You are not blaming me for making you evil!
FRY!MASTER: (offended) Certainly not. I take full responsibility and credit for all my decisions then and now.
Ooooh you give good Master. Om nom nom. Purrrfect!

[surprisingly, I rambled...]

[elisi]

[part the second]

FRY!MASTER: But I’ve had enough, finally. The time has come to start living for me, and what with that new writer you have driving everything, it’s not like I’m needed in narrative any more.
RIVER: (seeing his point) Oh, you’re right! Now that’s very interesting . . .
DOCTOR: What?!? What is?
RIVER: Our dear Mr. Moffat has no interest in evil.
FRY!MASTER: Bless him.
RIVER: Though you should hear the reviewers griping about it . . . .
Ooooh, nice. Very nice. Really - quite extraordinarily cleverly done. *applauds*

FRY!MASTER: Now you’re just being insulting. (to River, humor restored) Don’t make the same mistakes I did, my dear. As soon as you cave to their narrative conventions, you’re never leaving with your dignity intact.
RIVER: I’ll certainly do my best.
ZOMG YOU! *squishes fic and draws pink sparkly hearts all around it*

DOCTOR: Can we go home, now?
OH DOCTOR, BLESS YOUR LITTLE COTTON SOCKS! ♥

*deep breath again*

Right. I have a feeling, that this shall become another of my 'Read this because it summarises everything I have to say on this subject' recs. I want to live in this fic. Just... *flails some more* The differentiating between the eras, the way the Doctor is confronted with harsh truths about himself, the way River glides through it, amused and intrigued, the way you touch on SO many conventions and tropes and narratives and deftly summarise them in a single line or paragraph... ALL THAT PLUS STEPHEN FRY AS THE MASTER OMG!!!!

And now I must re-read this about a million times!

ETA: Decided this icon was more appropriate, what with the 'Enmity of Ages' and all that... ;)

[promethia_tenk]

YAY, YOU LIKE IT AND OMG, THANK HEAVEN THIS THING IS FINALLY OUT OF MY HEAD BECAUSE IT FEELS LIKE EVERY WHO CONVERSATION I'VE BEEN IN FOR THE PAST TWO MONTHS HAS BEEN LIKE 'READ MY FIC--THAT IS THE POINT I WANT TO MAKE' BUT I COULDN'T!

I am so freaking relieved and also your comment has me grinning like a loon <3 THANK YOU.

OH MY GOD YOU MADE STEPHEN FRY THE MASTER I MIGHT ONLY EVER BE ABLE TO SPEAK IN CAPSLOCKS FOREVER MORE!!!!!!!!
You know that fan theory that each Master is somehow matched to their respective Doctor? Just think about Eleven for a moment. Who else could possibly play Master to that? That Cucumberpatch kid is great and all, but . . .

Also, this is the best fic 'environment' EVER!
My love for meta-space is vast and pure. It combines everything I like in fandom in one format. When I first saw its magnificent workings, I nearly died of happiness <3

(Can I mention, btw, how absolutely incredibly spot-on your Fry!voice is? I could hear every line crystal clear in my head.)
If I admitted to how very little work I put into achieving that, I would be strung up (it did involve his Top Gear interview, though). Alternately one could say I have been in training my whole life to write Stephen Fry. Yeah, that sounds better.

This! Oh good lord you didn't half take to all the stuff I threw your way - the whole balance thing, and the Master wanting off his end of the seesaw...
Honestly, it all slotted right into place with my thoughts on . . . pretty much every villain ever. The Master just gets to finally get a word in for the collected forces of fictional evil.

ALL OF THIS OMG! *flails some more* I want to say something clever but it's all there!!!
You know what really crystallized that section for me? What We Had. Which you pointed me towards, thank you very much! Either you fit yourself into Ten's worldview . . . or you didn't really exist.

Ooooh, nice. Very nice. Really - quite extraordinarily cleverly done. *applauds*
*bows* Everybody was speculating on who would make a good Master . . . and I realized it was sort of a moot point.

Don’t make the same mistakes I did, my dear. As soon as you cave to their narrative conventions, you’re never leaving with your dignity intact.
Thesis statement, I think. Well, it's my favorite line in any case. And I like making Stephen Fry River's mentor of sorts--she needs someone watching out for her a little.

OH DOCTOR, BLESS YOUR LITTLE COTTON SOCKS! ♥
*pets Eleven* He doesn't quite deserve it, but he was Ten once. And fairness was never really the point of satire . . . He'll have a crumpet and feel a bit better.

Right. I have a feeling, that this shall become another of my 'Read this because it summarises everything I have to say on this subject' recs.
Well, tickle me pink. I think I might be able to deal with that ;-)

ETA: Decided this icon was more appropriate, what with the 'Enmity of Ages' and all that... ;)
Very true.

*squish* thankyouthankyouthankyou

[elisi]

I am so freaking relieved and also your comment has me grinning like a loon <3 THANK YOU.
Heh. My pleasure. No really. Fry!Master. I might never recover.

You know that fan theory that each Master is somehow matched to their respective Doctor? Just think about Eleven for a moment. Who else could possibly play Master to that? That Cucumberpatch kid is great and all, but . . .
It would be the best thing ever in the history of forever. :)

My love for meta-space is vast and pure. It combines everything I like in fandom in one format. When I first saw its magnificent workings, I nearly died of happiness <3
I suspected that would be the case, but the reality exceeded my expectations.

If I admitted to how very little work I put into achieving that, I would be strung up (it did involve his Top Gear interview, though). Alternately one could say I have been in training my whole life to write Stephen Fry. Yeah, that sounds better.
LOL! The thing with Stephen Fry is that he's so very distinctive. You should watch more stuff with him though. Also his books are good. *nods*

Honestly, it all slotted right into place with my thoughts on . . . pretty much every villain ever. The Master just gets to finally get a word in for the collected forces of fictional evil.
And we all humbly thank you!

You know what really crystallized that section for me? What We Had. Which you pointed me towards, thank you very much! Either you fit yourself into Ten's worldview . . . or you didn't really exist.
Oh I can see the effects, yes. Excellent.

*bows* Everybody was speculating on who would make a good Master . . . and I realized it was sort of a moot point.
*snerk* It was inspired though. And the thing is, I can totally see him doing something evil, or killing someone, and Eleven getting angry and Fry!Master just shrugging and saying that one needs to keep one's hand in, just a little. ;)

Thesis statement, I think. Well, it's my favorite line in any case. And I like making Stephen Fry River's mentor of sorts--she needs someone watching out for her a little.
*nods* (I want S6 so much!)

*pets Eleven* He doesn't quite deserve it, but he was Ten once. And fairness was never really the point of satire . . . He'll have a crumpet and feel a bit better.
Indeed.

*squish* thankyouthankyouthankyou
Thank you! *squish* It's like an early Christmas present! :)

[promethia_tenk]

Heh. My pleasure. No really. Fry!Master. I might never recover.
Mmmm :) Well, you seem to have recovered the use of the lower case, anyway ;-)

It would be the best thing ever in the history of forever. :)
Heh--and given the gross moral outrage over his comments about children's programming, I can see Who-dom readily accepting him as their arch-villain. I shall start the letter-writing campaign . . .

I suspected that would be the case, but the reality exceeded my expectations.
I fully hope to be responsible for starting a trend here. It's too great a concept to be hidden away in the kinkmeme.

The thing with Stephen Fry is that he's so very distinctive.
This is true. I love his old-fashioned turns of phrase. I'm glad I was imitating his talk, though, and not his writing--there's no competing with that level of articulateness.

You should watch more stuff with him though. Also his books are good. *nods*
Owlsie (all unknowing) happened to supply me with a whole bunch of recs a little after I'd submitted this, but I was too scared to look at them for fear of discovering I'd gotten him all wrong and had no way of rewriting. Now that that's past, though, I fully intend to make up for lost time.

And we all humbly thank you!
*nods graciously* All in the cause of justice.

And the thing is, I can totally see him doing something evil, or killing someone, and Eleven getting angry and Fry!Master just shrugging and saying that one needs to keep one's hand in, just a little. ;)
Haha! Ok, yes, I like that.

Thank you! *squish* It's like an early Christmas present! :)
You're most welcome. Merry Christmas.

[elisi]

PS. Re 'Does River kill the Doctor?' then I always liked selenak's theory, which is that it'd mirror River's death - that is, he dies [she kills him?] the first time they meet. Possibly by accident, possibly to save the world, possibly because he asks her to for ~complicated [timey-wimey?] reasons~... but that's the kind of scenario I could envisage. Mostly I just like the mirroring. ;)

/random

[promethia_tenk]

I too initially liked the symmetry of that idea, but symmetry is less important, I think, than thematic depth. The more I thought about her killing him, the more it seemed like the only real effect of that would be inducing angst--and I don't know that that's sufficient reason for Moffat to write a storyline (although he'll certainly tease at it, knowing audience expectations). If we could find out in some way that she was going to be the one to finally, really kill him, that could be interesting . . . but I don't know how you'd manage that. If she's only causing him to regenerate, though *shrug* and would he really care, now that he's not Ten anymore? I'd much rather whoever she kills be a point of philosophical/moral contention between them. Conceivably she could kill him as a way to prevent him from doing something she disagrees with, but the most she's going to accomplish with that is taking him out of commission while he regenerates, and we've already seen her accomplish much the same with a right hook and some handcuffs. If she killed him to stop him and didn't know yet that he can regenerate so that when she did it she thought she was killing him for real . . . ok, I hadn't thought of that option before, that could be worth pursuing.

But there's something a bit unappealing, narratively, about all the options for her killing him when she first meets him. If it's deliberate like she's an assassin or something, it becomes a "Doctor redeems a bad person" storyline. If it's an accident, that makes for some angst, yes, but accidents are less interesting than choices and it still feels a bit like a redemption via Doctor storyline because there would still be the forgiving and the getting over the guilt, etc, etc. If it's to save the world/because he asks her, ok, maybe, but I've written that and again, it mostly feels like angst for angst's sake. Basically, anything that you could accomplish in terms of the Doctor's character development by having River kill him has pretty much already been accomplished by him 1) facing the idea that she might kill him and not running away and 2) willingly sacrificing himself to the cracks. True, you might do interesting things with River's character development by having her kill him, but at the end of the day it is the Doctor's show. But say she kills someone else in opposition to him. To have someone on his own "side" oppose one of his decisions in such a brutal manner? Then he has to re-examine himself. Far more interesting.

[promethia_tenk]

ETA: And not that I think that River isn't interesting in her own right (heh), but she was presented to us right from the very beginning both as character and as narrative device. She came in and was like "this is a story about how the Doctor grows up." For this big, central mystery about her not to play a major role in the Doctor's character development like that would be sloppy story telling.

[elisi]

For this big, central mystery about her not to play a major role in the Doctor's character development like that would be sloppy story telling.
*nods a lot* And I think that's probably the main reason it's not him that she kills - if she did, it'd make it all about her, since he'd not be very affected by it, I don't think. Hm. Yes, you have convinced me. (Not that I was ever all that keen on the other idea, but this argument is irrefutable.) Thank you. :)

[promethia_tenk]

Hm. Yes, you have convinced me. (Not that I was ever all that keen on the other idea, but this argument is irrefutable.) Thank you. :)
You say all the nicest things *g*

[elisi]

If she killed him to stop him and didn't know yet that he can regenerate so that when she did it she thought she was killing him for real . . . ok, I hadn't thought of that option before, that could be worth pursuing.
I've been thinking that too. But - and this throws the whole theory off - is that she seems to have known what she was doing, killing Mr. Unknown Good Man. I like your theory of her killing someone in opposition to the Doctor, but what's with the 'best man I've ever known'? Unless, this macro speaks the truth! *g*

Actually the whole regeneration thing rather throws it off, unless the Moff does something spectacularly clever. *deep sigh* This is why I so rarely speculate, I can never think of anything as clever as the writers.

[promethia_tenk]

she seems to have known what she was doing, killing Mr. Unknown Good Man
Good point. There was something about the way she said that. It struck me very much as something deliberate.

I like your theory of her killing someone in opposition to the Doctor, but what's with the 'best man I've ever known'? Unless, this macro speaks the truth! *g*
Lol--oh, Rory. Well, I've got a theory, hinging on Moffat's tendency to reuse ideas, but it might toe a bit close to the spoiler/spec line for your tastes? I guess I have referenced it before in another context.

*deep sigh* This is why I so rarely speculate, I can never think of anything as clever as the writers.
I'll admit that last season does have me feeling emboldened in speculating along broad thematic lines. Get down to the specifics though, and I fully assume I will be wrong--and hope to be!

[elisi]

I'll admit that last season does have me feeling emboldened in speculating along broad thematic lines.
Oh me too! I said (several times) that the logical ending, thematically and story wise, would be a wedding. And I was right! \o/ So yeah, I'm with you on that one.

(Am trying to cut back on LJ, since RL is rather eating me alive...)

[promethia_tenk]

Oh me too! I said (several times) that the logical ending, thematically and story wise, would be a wedding. And I was right! \o/ So yeah, I'm with you on that one.
\o/

(Am trying to cut back on LJ, since RL is rather eating me alive...)
Totally, totally understand. Really need to do the same. And, like, do my Christmas cards already *facepalm*

[elisi]

If we’re lucky, maybe we’ll run into an author or two. I’ve got some choice words about my characterization of late . . . .
You, my dear, seem to have the gift of prophecy!

[promethia_tenk]

Hee!

Well, at the time, that was meant as a pot shot at fic writers, but let's pretend I'm psychic *eyebrow waggle*

[rumpelsnorcack.livejournal.com]

This was just ... I had to read it twice before I stopped giggling long enough to form any sort of coherent comment. I adore your River -- she is amazing and fun and snarky and her relationship with both Fry!Master and Eleven is perfectly pitched. This is definitely one of my very favourite River stories ever!

[promethia_tenk]

<3 Thank you! I'm just very proud of this one, and I'm relieved other people are finding it entertaining too.

(This thing has been eating my brain--even after I'd finished writing it. It's like it was stuck in there because I couldn't talk about it! Thank goodness it's finally out.)

[the-redjay.livejournal.com]

Marry me. Mind you, I'd love to try and write either a) Fry!Master or b) Meta-fic one day :P

[promethia_tenk]

LOL =D

Well, the writing part could conceivably happen without your marrying me . . . just saying.

Not that I'm saying no.

[stick-poker.livejournal.com]

*dances a dance of cracky joy*
So Fry!Master lives in your head, where you supply him with evil!tea to offer the Doctor in the manner of the Daleks? And you claim to not even know much about him, despite having an uncannily good ear for his voice? (I can recommend absolutely any of his books, by the way - even the ones which aren't really very good books are still fascinating for their language.)

But mainly, River, oh River, she is the ultimate morally ambivalent character, and on the basis of this I'm going off the idea of there being any more of this tedious bloke with the martyr/hero complex in S6; can we just rename it the River Is Ace show and have it all about her, please?

[promethia_tenk]

*grins*

Yup, that's about the long and short of it. I do firmly intend to spend a lot more time getting to know Mr. Fry. I was sort of actively avoiding his stuff for the last month, though, for fear of discovering I'd gotten it all horribly wrong and had no way of rewriting this!

I think we're going to have to keep Eleven around, though, as awesome as River is. You'd miss him once we got back to narrative, and the universe would be a cold and joyless place. I did put him well out of his element here.

[honeynoir.livejournal.com]

Okay, see... I haven't yet learned how to convert grinning, stifled laughter and gleeful sputtering into actual words, so have a heart instead: &hearts!

Evil cooties! Evil tea!

Fry!Master <3... and lol that pun. <3 Do the chip shops sell evil tea?

I am amazed by how much meta you've actually incorporated into this... very cleverly, too. It can easily be read as crack if you're not familiar with the meta. Kudos!

Honey, I’m a walking, talking extra-textual element in your own life. I practically live here.
:D

Suddenly words pop up out of the ground to float in the air in front of them
AHAHAHAHAHA yesyesyes

Our dear Mr. Moffat has no interest in evil.
The Doctor discussing this with the Master and River? Too awesome for words.

RIVER: (conspiratorially, in a mock whisper) He thinks I kill him!
FRY!MASTER: HA! Hahahahahahahahahahahahhahaha! Haha! Ha. (clutching his stomach) Oh, thank you. I needed that. Oh, that is too rich.
The Master's reaction says it all, I think.

No, darling, I’m not here to fuel your martyr/hero complex--that's the last thing you need.
<333

[promethia_tenk]

OOoo, a heart! Thank you <3

Fry!Master <3... and lol that pun. <3 Do the chip shops sell evil tea?
=D And they employ Dalek fry cooks *nods*

I am amazed by how much meta you've actually incorporated into this... very cleverly, too.
Oh, thank you! I believe the technical term for the amount of analysis that went into this is an 'epic shit-ton'. Which does not include the epic shit-ton that got cut. *clutches head*

It can easily be read as crack if you're not familiar with the meta. Kudos!
This is excellent to hear. I wasn't sure how big of an audience I could actually get for this.

The Doctor discussing this with the Master and River? Too awesome for words.
=D Amuses me too. I debated actually including Moffat as a character, but I had too much to work with as it was.

Thank you so much for such a lovely comment! I'm glad you enjoyed it <3

[apple-pathways.livejournal.com]

Oh, so fantastically well done! A classic, to be sure. I can't believe how well you write Stephen Fry's voice--let alone the Doctor and River! I could just picture Stephen throughout, and you know what? HE WOULD MAKE A FANTASTIC MASTER! Oh, if only I had a hotline to the Beeb...

Anyway, this was so very, very funny! (And you should know that alt_universe_me herself recced it to me!)

[promethia_tenk]

Thank you so much! I'm tickled pink that other people seem as taken with the idea of Fry!Master as I am and that you can really hear him in this. He was definitely fantastic fun to write.

(And you should know that [info]alt_universe_me herself recced it to me!)
Awww, that's sweet. Thanks to both of you.

[cassi0pei4.livejournal.com]

I know I'm very late in commenting but this was so fabulous! And hilariously brilliant! I especially love River's awareness of her own meta-ness.

Do you mind me asking what bits of River's characterization you think she'd be mad about? ("I’ve got some choice words about my characterization of late . . . .") Just wondering...

[promethia_tenk]

Oh, late comments are always, always welcome :) Thank you so much!

I especially love River's awareness of her own meta-ness.
It's one of my favorite things about the character, so I had to slip that in there ;-)

Do you mind me asking what bits of River's characterization you think she'd be mad about? ("I’ve got some choice words about my characterization of late . . . .") Just wondering...
Oooo, boy. I'll admit to hoping to get to leave that vague, but I pretty much asked for it, didn't I? Ok, one thing I'll mention is that there's a tendency in fandom with both River and Jack Harkness to focus on their more OTT moments to the exclusion of everything else, so they end up getting written as cartoon characters, practically--all swagger and libido and callousness. Plus since we know so very little about River, objectively, I think a lot of fandom pretty indiscriminately pastes their characterization of Jack straight onto River. Frankly, I suspect I write her too conservatively a lot of the time in the hopes that somehow in the great mix of the internet it's all going to balance out or that by writing her far enough in the other direction, I'm going to surprise people and make them rethink what they're seeing a little bit.

[cassi0pei4.livejournal.com]

Oh, that makes much more sense. I thought you were talking about her characterization in the show rather than in fandom. I completely agree that in fandom tends to write her a little OTT, partially because we know so little about her I think. I thought River was objecting to what she did in the finale or something and my mind was like, "What? No. She was epically awesome in the finale!" But, of course, you weren't saying that. :D

[promethia_tenk]

You know what? It hadn't even occurred to me that someone could interpret that line in that way. Ok, the thing is, every other fic I've read that takes place in meta include as a character "author" and the author of the fic can actually talk with the characters and often they fight with each other about how they're going to fill the prompt "you're not going to get me to do that!" etc, etc. This fic included an "author" to for a long while, but I eventually decided I was superfluous and wrote myself out. So in my mind it was pretty clear that in meta one was likely to run into fic writers and so obviously River was complaining about how she was being characterized in fic. But you're right--that could completely be interpreted as her griping about how she is on the show.

Thanks for that--I'm always interesting in knowing how the things I write are getting interpreted.

[cassi0pei4.livejournal.com]

Ah, see, I don't know the fic!meta context at all. I know meta from metanalysis journal articles (articles published entirely on data from other articles in science journals) and in a literature context, metaphysicality in texts. So, I figured this was the characters recognizing that they were characters in a tv show and sort of chatting about that and such.

[bendingwind.livejournal.com]

This. Is. Fantastic.

Funny and rich and deep and meta-y and beautifully entertaining. I love the idea of the Doctor pushing the Master to be more evil in order to impress him. I may have to incorporate this into fic somewhere if I ever regain the ability to write fic without River in it.

Just marvelous!

<3

[promethia_tenk]

\o/ \o/ \o/

Thank you so much. I am really very, very proud of this one, and I love when other people love it too *g*

I may have to incorporate this into fic somewhere if I ever regain the ability to write fic without River in it.
If it helps any, I find the two remarkably similar to write, at least in dialogue. Far more than being a female Jack, I now think of River as a female Master--minus the massive, massive evilness.

[bendingwind.livejournal.com]

I came across the idea of River as a sort of female Master yesterday, in fact (there's a list of 56 ways the Master creates River in order to force the Doctor to live a blissful domestic life with him or something?) and I find I really love the idea. I think I agree--on the surface River does have quite a lot in common with Jack, but ultimately all I see is the location we assume she's from and the flirtiness. She's similar to the Master on a much deeper level, in particular the way in which she treats the Doctor--very much as an equal and to some extent a playmate.

I would prefer if she didn't yoda-fy him and lock him in a cage, though.

[promethia_tenk]

I love that crack theory! So fabulously convoluted and yet has that almost-appropriateness the best cracktheories have.

River written as a stereotypical Jack in fic is actually something I'm getting quite cross with. Of course, Jack written as stereotypical Jack makes me cross too, so . . .

I would prefer if she didn't yoda-fy him and lock him in a cage, though.
Word. Granted, I would also have preferred if the Master hadn't done that either. And that's not out of a concern for Ten's ego.