FIC: The Great Picspam Caper (1/2)
17 Feb 2009 07:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
promethia_tenkTitle: The Great Picspam Caper (1/2)
Fandom: himym, B/R
Length: 800 for this part
Rating: PG-13 for caper-y fun
Spoilers: Through "The Possimpible"
Summary: Robin is kidnapped . . . for her own good.
AN: This is a follow-up to "Everything" but is also understandable on its own. I would like to dedicate this fic to all the picspammers out there, out of respect for their noble art and appreciation for their great services to the community.
Most women, upon being grabbed in an alley by a couple of thugs in black ski masks, would panic. They would struggle, scream, maybe pass out from fear.
But Robin Scherbatsky was not like other women. For one thing, she prided herself on her resourcefulness and ability to think clearly in a crisis. For another, she recognized Marshall’s favorite rugby shirt.
“Ouch! Guys! Give it up. I know it’s you.” Robin was now blindfolded with her hands tied behind her back and was being frog-marched by the two men down what Robin was pretty sure was the hallway of their own apartment building. She was losing sensation in her arms.
“Who is this ‘you’ of whom you speak?” Ted’s voice was weird. He was trying to sound mysterious.
“Ted, I can smell your hair gel from here! And Marshall thinks this is so cool he keeps giggling.” This last was true. Marshall giggled again.
“I do not know these names. You have never met us before in your life.”
“And besides, Robin, it’s for your own good . . . OWW!!!! Ted!” There was scuffle, and Ted had apparently kicked Marshall—Robin could hear him jumping up and down in pain. “I mean, we are complete strangers to you. We . . . I’ll just be quiet now.”
Ted sighed in exasperation: “We’re here anyway.” They rustled Robin through a door and ripped the blindfold off her eyes.
It was the apartment all right, thinly disguised with the blinds drawn, the lights off, and a couple of sheets draped over the walls and furniture. The middle of the room had been cleared except for an old-school slide projector, a screen, and two straight-backed chairs. Barney was already tied to one of them. He looked up with a grin on his face, clearly enjoying himself.
Robin faked distress: “Oh, no! They got you too? Oh, whatever shall we do? Help me, I’m so scared!”
Barney laughed at his fellow captive’s overwrought sarcasm: “Don’t pretend like the intrigue doesn’t get you off, dollface.” He waggled his eyebrows.
“Well, maybe if it was done properly, but these buffoons bungled it from the get-go.”
“I know, right?” Barney scoffed. “Ted, it’s like you’ve never kidnapped anyone before!”
“Oh, and you have—” Ted trailed off when he realized he didn’t want to know.
“Enough of this!” Lily had appeared in the door to the bathroom in a severe black suit and pencil skirt, hair slicked back in a bun, and towering (as much as she could, given her height) in a pair of stiletto boots. In her right hand she was carrying a yardstick, which she whapped against the doorframe to punctuate her command. Barney jumped in his seat and raised an eyebrow:
“This keeps getting better and better!”
“Shut it, Stinson. This is serious business.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Barney composed himself so as to look suitably contrite and only a little mostly aroused.
“Tie her up,” Lily barked again, and Marshall wrestled Robin into the other chair.
As he worked on securing her, he nodded to Ted: “You’d better disarm her, buddy.”
“What? We took her purse out in the alley.” Ted’s voice was still all gruff and breathy, and unlike Marshall, he hadn’t removed his ski mask. Robin struggled hard to keep a straight face.
“Check her boot leg, dude.”
Ted slipped a hand into the leather calf and pulled out a long, curving blade. His eyes went wide, and he walked away in a daze, holding it with his fingertips, far out in front of him. Lily looked disgusted. Barney looked down at his feet and smiled. And Marshall nodded gravely and knowingly as he took up a spot by the door with his arms folded across his chest.
Ted joined him, having stashed the machete, and the two did their best to look menacing.
“Now I suppose you’re both wondering why you’re here.” Lily was now standing in front of the projection screen glaring down sternly on her captives and slowly tapping the yardstick against her palm.
“No, Lily, the question never occurred to me,” Robin snarked at the same time as Barney gave an, “I’m good,” and grinned back, placidly.
“You’re here because you are both idiots.” Lily paused to let that sink in, and Robin cocked an eyebrow, unimpressed.
“Barney,” Lily continued, “is an idiot for being in love with Robin and refusing to do anything about it . . .” Here Robin’s jaw dropped as her second eyebrow rose to join the first. Barney’s face went from jovial to wounded puppy in 0.2 seconds, and he looked rapidly from Lily to Robin and back to Lily before dropping his head, embarrassed.
“. . . And Robin,” Lily plowed forward, “is an idiot for being either the single most oblivious person ever to walk the planet . . .” and she suddenly seemed to run out of steam, continuing very quietly: “Or one of the more heartless.”
Fandom: himym, B/R
Length: 800 for this part
Rating: PG-13 for caper-y fun
Spoilers: Through "The Possimpible"
Summary: Robin is kidnapped . . . for her own good.
AN: This is a follow-up to "Everything" but is also understandable on its own. I would like to dedicate this fic to all the picspammers out there, out of respect for their noble art and appreciation for their great services to the community.
Most women, upon being grabbed in an alley by a couple of thugs in black ski masks, would panic. They would struggle, scream, maybe pass out from fear.
But Robin Scherbatsky was not like other women. For one thing, she prided herself on her resourcefulness and ability to think clearly in a crisis. For another, she recognized Marshall’s favorite rugby shirt.
“Ouch! Guys! Give it up. I know it’s you.” Robin was now blindfolded with her hands tied behind her back and was being frog-marched by the two men down what Robin was pretty sure was the hallway of their own apartment building. She was losing sensation in her arms.
“Who is this ‘you’ of whom you speak?” Ted’s voice was weird. He was trying to sound mysterious.
“Ted, I can smell your hair gel from here! And Marshall thinks this is so cool he keeps giggling.” This last was true. Marshall giggled again.
“I do not know these names. You have never met us before in your life.”
“And besides, Robin, it’s for your own good . . . OWW!!!! Ted!” There was scuffle, and Ted had apparently kicked Marshall—Robin could hear him jumping up and down in pain. “I mean, we are complete strangers to you. We . . . I’ll just be quiet now.”
Ted sighed in exasperation: “We’re here anyway.” They rustled Robin through a door and ripped the blindfold off her eyes.
It was the apartment all right, thinly disguised with the blinds drawn, the lights off, and a couple of sheets draped over the walls and furniture. The middle of the room had been cleared except for an old-school slide projector, a screen, and two straight-backed chairs. Barney was already tied to one of them. He looked up with a grin on his face, clearly enjoying himself.
Robin faked distress: “Oh, no! They got you too? Oh, whatever shall we do? Help me, I’m so scared!”
Barney laughed at his fellow captive’s overwrought sarcasm: “Don’t pretend like the intrigue doesn’t get you off, dollface.” He waggled his eyebrows.
“Well, maybe if it was done properly, but these buffoons bungled it from the get-go.”
“I know, right?” Barney scoffed. “Ted, it’s like you’ve never kidnapped anyone before!”
“Oh, and you have—” Ted trailed off when he realized he didn’t want to know.
“Enough of this!” Lily had appeared in the door to the bathroom in a severe black suit and pencil skirt, hair slicked back in a bun, and towering (as much as she could, given her height) in a pair of stiletto boots. In her right hand she was carrying a yardstick, which she whapped against the doorframe to punctuate her command. Barney jumped in his seat and raised an eyebrow:
“This keeps getting better and better!”
“Shut it, Stinson. This is serious business.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Barney composed himself so as to look suitably contrite and only a little mostly aroused.
“Tie her up,” Lily barked again, and Marshall wrestled Robin into the other chair.
As he worked on securing her, he nodded to Ted: “You’d better disarm her, buddy.”
“What? We took her purse out in the alley.” Ted’s voice was still all gruff and breathy, and unlike Marshall, he hadn’t removed his ski mask. Robin struggled hard to keep a straight face.
“Check her boot leg, dude.”
Ted slipped a hand into the leather calf and pulled out a long, curving blade. His eyes went wide, and he walked away in a daze, holding it with his fingertips, far out in front of him. Lily looked disgusted. Barney looked down at his feet and smiled. And Marshall nodded gravely and knowingly as he took up a spot by the door with his arms folded across his chest.
Ted joined him, having stashed the machete, and the two did their best to look menacing.
“Now I suppose you’re both wondering why you’re here.” Lily was now standing in front of the projection screen glaring down sternly on her captives and slowly tapping the yardstick against her palm.
“No, Lily, the question never occurred to me,” Robin snarked at the same time as Barney gave an, “I’m good,” and grinned back, placidly.
“You’re here because you are both idiots.” Lily paused to let that sink in, and Robin cocked an eyebrow, unimpressed.
“Barney,” Lily continued, “is an idiot for being in love with Robin and refusing to do anything about it . . .” Here Robin’s jaw dropped as her second eyebrow rose to join the first. Barney’s face went from jovial to wounded puppy in 0.2 seconds, and he looked rapidly from Lily to Robin and back to Lily before dropping his head, embarrassed.
“. . . And Robin,” Lily plowed forward, “is an idiot for being either the single most oblivious person ever to walk the planet . . .” and she suddenly seemed to run out of steam, continuing very quietly: “Or one of the more heartless.”
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 18 Feb 2009 01:19 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 18 Feb 2009 01:28 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 18 Feb 2009 01:35 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 18 Feb 2009 01:55 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 18 Feb 2009 01:42 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 18 Feb 2009 01:56 am (UTC)>"Is Lily going to literally knock sense into the two of them with that ruler?"
Maybe a little ;-)
(no subject)
Date: 18 Feb 2009 01:59 am (UTC)I love your crackfics. A lot. =D And I can't wait for the next part!
(no subject)
Date: 18 Feb 2009 02:23 am (UTC)Bingo! Why else would Marshall know about it ;-) Anyway, you win something for spotting it. Some sort of prize. I'm not sure what.
>"I absolutely love the idea of Robin and Barney being brainwashed with a BroTP picspam so they can admit their lurve."
Well, it worked on all of us, didn't it?
>"I love your crackfics. A lot. =D And I can't wait for the next part!"
*hugs* Thanks so much! (Have not forgotten about your crackfic archive--am keeping it in reserve for a bad day.)
(no subject)
Date: 18 Feb 2009 02:15 am (UTC)I love you for this :)
(no subject)
Date: 18 Feb 2009 02:24 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 18 Feb 2009 02:30 am (UTC)*IS INTRIGUED*
MASSIVELY
(no subject)
Date: 18 Feb 2009 02:42 am (UTC)Just kidding (maybe), but there will be forced picspamming!
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Date: 18 Feb 2009 04:39 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 18 Feb 2009 10:14 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 18 Feb 2009 05:30 am (UTC)Barney’s face went from jovial to wounded puppy in 0.2 seconds, and he looked rapidly from Lily to Robin and back to Lily before dropping his head, embarrassed. Brilliant!!
(no subject)
Date: 18 Feb 2009 10:21 am (UTC)Haha, thanks. Thumbs-up Cobie'll have to do then =)
>"Barney’s face went from jovial to wounded puppy in 0.2 seconds, and he looked rapidly from Lily to Robin and back to Lily before dropping his head, embarrassed. Brilliant!!"
Poor guy. I feel a bit bad for doing this too him, but I'm doing worse to Robin, and it's all for their own good, so . . .
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Date: 18 Feb 2009 07:23 am (UTC)I love the "It's like you've never kidnapped anyone before!"
Wanna read that one.
And bless the gang.
"We're not Ted and Marshall, but we hear those guy are awesome" - right!
(no subject)
Date: 18 Feb 2009 10:27 am (UTC)You're most welcome.
>"I love the "It's like you've never kidnapped anyone before!"
Wanna read that one."
Please--
Do you want me to kill Loretta, or do you want me to go digging into parts of Barney's life that are funnier if left to the imagination?
>""We're not Ted and Marshall, but we hear those guy are awesome" - right!"
Aagh! I missed a trick there! But seriously, I could have let those two go on forever; that part was so much fun to write. It wasn't so much like I was writing Marshall and Ted as a pair of inept kidnappers as I was trying to get out of their way.
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Date: 18 Feb 2009 04:39 pm (UTC)“. . . And Robin,” Lily plowed forward, “is an idiot for being either the single most oblivious person ever to walk the planet . . .” and she suddenly seemed to run out of steam, continuing very quietly: “Or one of the more heartless.”
Ouch. That was cold, Aldrin. (I'm actually still listening to "Heartless", from the drabblethon.)
Can't wait for the next part!
(no subject)
Date: 18 Feb 2009 04:53 pm (UTC)Hee--glad you think so. Barney agrees with you, anyway.
>"Ouch. That was cold, Aldrin."
Yeah, she really crossed a line there, didn't she?
Thanks for reading!
(no subject)
Date: 18 Feb 2009 11:58 pm (UTC)That is *so* Barney. And I love Robin's comment about Marshall giggling.
(no subject)
Date: 19 Feb 2009 12:16 am (UTC)>"And I love Robin's comment about Marshall giggling."
I just remember how he loved sword fighting with Ted--and then how badly he handled the sting operation in The Bracket.
(no subject)
Date: 19 Feb 2009 03:36 am (UTC)I am SO excited for part two.
This deserves SO MUCH CAPS!
I would quote things but this comment would end up entirely too long.
(no subject)
Date: 19 Feb 2009 10:30 am (UTC)You've been nominated at the Legendary Awards!
Date: 13 Jun 2009 09:48 pm (UTC)All nominations MUST be accepted. You can do so by replying to this comment. You only need accept your nomination once, in the event that your story is up for multiple categories. You have until July 3rd to accept your nomination.
As we have a maximum of two categories a story can compete under, your story may not end up competing under every category it has been nominated for. You will be notified of the mods’ final decision once nominations have been finalized.
This story has been nominated in the following categories:
- Best AU
- Best Humor
- Best Work-In-Progress
Congratulations!
And if you want to say thanks, why not spread the love and nominate someone else? :)
Re: You've been nominated at the Legendary Awards!
Date: 28 Jun 2009 01:30 pm (UTC)