Now, because I like this so much, and because the feel is so right in much of it, I want to Brit-pick it to make it, especially these bits that are in a little English village, as little English village as possible. Ah, you are too good to me. Much appreciated--I know it takes awhile to do this kind of detailed critique. Will definitely make changes.
Vase on the mantle; I think we generally call it a mantelpiece, not a mantle on its own. Vase makes me go a bit arg with an Americanism next to it, in fact, because then I can hear it being rhymed with 'base' not 'cars', but changing mantle may help this. Wait, so is "vase" itself a problem, or just "mantle"? I'm willing to change either/both as necessary. (Aside, the idea of vase rhyming with cars makes me shudder; I shall try not to think about it.)
I'm in two minds about 'aww, shucks' because it's not like we never say it but it's a consciously American thing to say. I'm leaning towards keeping it because 1) 'aww, shucks' is just what that gesture is (the embarrassed little wave he makes in VotD when admitting that saving the Earth is not a bad outcome) and 2) I am an American, and that is a bit of narrative description, which means that it is in my voice (as opposed to the dialogue of the characters).
OOoo . . . but on the other hand, my narrator's perspective is definitely filtered through Amy, and I'm going to be making a point of that in the fic itself--like, plot is going to hang on the fact that the narrator sees things as Amy does, with all her biases and blind spots. Dammit, I can't be sloppy about this; will need to think this through a bit more thoroughly.
Tires... see, I can look past center / centre or the like, but tire is harder because tire means something else too and therefore has to be decoded, which we don't normally have to do because tyres are only the ones on the car. Ok, that is tricky. I've been trying to work out my philosophy for British-izing my writing (as this is the first British fandom I've written for). I think the basic rule I want to maintain is that, while I am writing British characters in a British milieu, I myself, as the writer, am an American. Essentially, I want to respect the Britishness of the show without lying to the reader about who I am. So while writing, I've been trying to:
1) Make all cultural things as British as possible. 2) Follow British word choice and sentence constructions in the dialogue of the characters. 3) Consider and respect British word choice and constructions in descriptive and narrative sections insofar at doing so supports #1, while still allowing for Americanisms in my own voice as the writer. 4) Maintain American spellings, since those are entirely from the perspective of the writer.
And I was really happy when I'd settled on that. And then I immediately realized that none of that was as clear-cut as it seemed, and that maybe it would all end up feeling schizophrenic anyway.
Back to the tires/tyres. It's spelling, so it should fall under rule #4, and yet I agree with you that somehow "tyres" and "kerb" are different from "centre." *burries head in hands* I can't be the first person to attempt this. There must be a precedent somewhere I can follow. Or does everybody get all absolutist and insist one must choose a side? Maybe Henry James can help--I might go study up how he writes British characters.
And, in that and the rest of this conversation, dropping all the initial words out makes it sound more American. Hmmm . . . you're right. It's very interesting to me to see where different cultures are willing to take linguistic short cuts. The British seem far more likely, for example, to shorten the words themselves, where an American would rather leave whole words out of the sentence.
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Date: 19 Jul 2010 04:01 pm (UTC)Ah, you are too good to me. Much appreciated--I know it takes awhile to do this kind of detailed critique. Will definitely make changes.
Vase on the mantle; I think we generally call it a mantelpiece, not a mantle on its own. Vase makes me go a bit arg with an Americanism next to it, in fact, because then I can hear it being rhymed with 'base' not 'cars', but changing mantle may help this.
Wait, so is "vase" itself a problem, or just "mantle"? I'm willing to change either/both as necessary. (Aside, the idea of vase rhyming with cars makes me shudder; I shall try not to think about it.)
I'm in two minds about 'aww, shucks' because it's not like we never say it but it's a consciously American thing to say.
I'm leaning towards keeping it because 1) 'aww, shucks' is just what that gesture is (the embarrassed little wave he makes in VotD when admitting that saving the Earth is not a bad outcome) and 2) I am an American, and that is a bit of narrative description, which means that it is in my voice (as opposed to the dialogue of the characters).
OOoo . . . but on the other hand, my narrator's perspective is definitely filtered through Amy, and I'm going to be making a point of that in the fic itself--like, plot is going to hang on the fact that the narrator sees things as Amy does, with all her biases and blind spots. Dammit, I can't be sloppy about this; will need to think this through a bit more thoroughly.
Tires... see, I can look past center / centre or the like, but tire is harder because tire means something else too and therefore has to be decoded, which we don't normally have to do because tyres are only the ones on the car.
Ok, that is tricky. I've been trying to work out my philosophy for British-izing my writing (as this is the first British fandom I've written for). I think the basic rule I want to maintain is that, while I am writing British characters in a British milieu, I myself, as the writer, am an American. Essentially, I want to respect the Britishness of the show without lying to the reader about who I am. So while writing, I've been trying to:
1) Make all cultural things as British as possible.
2) Follow British word choice and sentence constructions in the dialogue of the characters.
3) Consider and respect British word choice and constructions in descriptive and narrative sections insofar at doing so supports #1, while still allowing for Americanisms in my own voice as the writer.
4) Maintain American spellings, since those are entirely from the perspective of the writer.
And I was really happy when I'd settled on that. And then I immediately realized that none of that was as clear-cut as it seemed, and that maybe it would all end up feeling schizophrenic anyway.
Back to the tires/tyres. It's spelling, so it should fall under rule #4, and yet I agree with you that somehow "tyres" and "kerb" are different from "centre." *burries head in hands* I can't be the first person to attempt this. There must be a precedent somewhere I can follow. Or does everybody get all absolutist and insist one must choose a side? Maybe Henry James can help--I might go study up how he writes British characters.
And, in that and the rest of this conversation, dropping all the initial words out makes it sound more American.
Hmmm . . . you're right. It's very interesting to me to see where different cultures are willing to take linguistic short cuts. The British seem far more likely, for example, to shorten the words themselves, where an American would rather leave whole words out of the sentence.