Ok, sorry, rambling to myself here. Thank you for your thoughts!
Don’t worry about rambling; I don’t mind it at all! And you’re welcome!

Well, the first commenter helped me make a number of small changes, so I'm glad they worked out.
They worked out very well! I honestly couldn’t tell an American had written it.

I could probably go on like that for a long while. I think, however, I'm going to have to put a plot into this. *grrr*
... there isn’t already a plot? It felt as though there was!

Several people have remarked on that. I wrote it, I'll admit, as a throwaway bit, but now y'all have gotten me thinking about it and it's giving me ideas.
Maybe this was just me but that small throwaway? It seemed to be an indication that something was part of the Plot for the story.

I'm not sure the standard posting in sections as you go along is going to work. But on the other hand, I like the feedback and have already gotten a bunch of good ideas based on the things people have asked--that is the advantage of writing things on the intenet.
Myself, I prefer to work on things and then post them, making sure I have it finished first in case I want to fiddle with things and twist them about before I post it. But, too, I acknowledge that’s a way that works best for myself.

Couldn’t there be some kind of compromise between the two? Maybe have someone beta it for you? Or a couple people, to get a few different ideas?